I've been looking into grad school options for hopefully next year, but will have to do a year of prerequisite course (if I am accepted to do these courses). Woe! I'm not sure about this new career path, but the one that I've been on, which is an arts/literary/not-for-profit path, has led me to an overwhelming place of gloom and vocational despair. I'm complaining, but it's because I'm fatigued. The nature of the jobs I've been doing are all admin, requiring a pleasant-sounding telephone manner and I'm frankly sick of it. I hate not being able to afford the office clothes that I'm expected to wear and then sinking further into debt to be able to accommodate the clothing requirements of these jobs. I hate smiling widely and falsely at CEOs and assorted pompous men and women in suits with crisp white hair. I feel most connected emotionally to the cleaning staff in all of the jobs I've had lately, they seem to share the same air of feeling beaten down and generally downtrodden. Downpression (as oppression is referred to in Jamaica)!
I would love to fashion an escape, but from what I can understand at this point, there is no immediate one. I have to find a way to shape my mindset to accept scurrying between desks with faxes, rushing to answer bullshit phone calls, having Charlie Brown low-carb lunches of solitude in the lunchroom and systematically trying all of the different hot beverages the machine at work has to offer (espresso has won as the beverage that tastes most like its name, "latte" was a hot, salty milky cup of bile, "fresh coffee" the same as "latte," but with more water and "choco milk" was a slightly more milky hot chocolate, which at 3:55, with energy and blood sugar levels flagging, I welcomed).
I just want to feel like I'm on a path to something worthwile, not just making pitstops at every joe job along the way and then discover I'm middle-aged and still saddled with student loans.
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